This is the 9th in a series of Divorce Corp polls. Please vote only once. We will post the results once we have received a statistically significant number of votes.
[polldaddy poll=7833446]
And here are the results, statistically significant within + or – 2%
We are going to delve into this topic in more detail in future posts and polls. The vast majority believe that child support should be only for the needs of the child, and that alimony should be handled separately. When the two concepts, alimony and child support, are mixed together, it creates fuel for a battle, one that children should not be dragged into.
Currently our child support laws make children the pawns in a financial struggle over hidden alimony, and that is tragic. And we are pleased that the majority can see this. Again, it is time for significant reform. If you are interested in family law reform, please join our mailing list at www.divorcecorp.com/reform. Thank you.
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I hope that came through as child support only, no alimony……because the tab above “thank you” says alimony……so please make sure its for support only please
If one party is at work and the other home, you have to give an alimony payment to the spouse at home. How are they supposed to support the kid? Should we just toss the kids into daycare, not breast feed, not do everything in our power to keep parents close in the tender years. This is solo stupid. The kids will be much better if they are not institutions when they are so young. But usually the fathers only consider the money not the health of their kids.
After kindergarten, there is no need for the mother OR FATHER to be home with the child. Go and get a job like everyone else! We are rewarding women for getting pregnant. If I say that men are more valuable employees, then I am a sexist. If I say mothers are more loving parents, then I guess that sounds about right? WTF? By the way, I wasted $100,000 on my ex’s drug habit (a.k.a. child support) before I finally got custody of him at age 12. This court system wasted his college fund!! Now that I have primary custody, I DON’T WANT OR NEED SUPPORT!!! I want the courts out of our lives!
That would be called “Child Support” So this means that the “Child” is taken care of, Not the woman or the custodial parent! If you want to take the kids, make sure you can support them! When the relationship ends, you lose the right to sit on your rear watching Judge Judy and Dr. Phil while the baby is napping!
All of these women need to get over themselves! Just because you pop out a kid does not entitle you to a fat bank account! If you cannot care for the kid, give the kid to the father!
Although you may be a great father who can take care of your kids my ex-husband was not, there was no way that he could’ve taken care of our kids, so just giving the kids to the father isn’t a solution
I’m sorry, but how dare you generalize fathers as just caring about the money. In this day and age a ton of us fathers have had our kids ripped away from us. I pay the majority of my income to a woman that would rather spend that money on new jewelry and beauty treatments than on my children. I can’t prove it to a court of law and even if I could it wouldn’t make a bit of a difference. I suggest you reword your statements to sound considerably less ignorant on a site that many good fathers are attending.
Well said!
Amen brother!!!
Thanks Chappell! Well said.
Once when paying huge premiums to the ex for “Child Support” she showed up at Honolulu to meet my flight with the four children. She was decked out in Expensive black leather from head to toe. The children looked like rag bags with shaggy hair and the works. I was completely embarrassed. The contrast was so stark, I almost fell over backwards.
My problem is not with women…I’ve come to find (it took a while…) that not many are like this doozey. My problem is with the Court System that let this happen in plain sight.
To progress from a decorated war veteran, to a Corporate Officer, then a CEO and a loving father to a schmuck because one person (with a clear financial motive in the form of Hawaiian real estate…) said so without so much as a shred of evidence to support her preposterous claims… is RIDICULOUS!!
No one saw this coming. I’m amazed that she went through with it. Some one sold this women an attractive bill of goods. Some one who knew better.
Ken Cannon
Don’t forget, they can also use child support to pay for legal fees.
My ex has used very little child support to pay for my kids expenses. As of recently, my 14 year old son wearing size 12 shoes to his orchestra concert. My emails to ex have gone unanswered in this regard.
You could say, well, just buying him some shoes yourselve. I would do that and more, but stop gutting us out of money and giving it to my ex who doesn’t care to spend it on the kids, but who is probably paying her lawyer with it.
Its absolutely outrageous there is no accountability if they spend it on the kids or not. Is it not called child support. Its just offensive. In my case, they need to rename from child support to “Ex-wife lawyer support”, or just “Ex-wife support”.
Is there any incentive to make a marriage work or are people ready to cash in I do not believe people would be so eager to dissolve a marriage if they thought it might be a chance that they might be the one paying
You mean Women wouldnt be so quick……. riiiiiiigggght?
What incentive does the law provide to keep marriages together? None! The lower income spouse has every incentive to cash in by divorcing. They can live a life free of responsibility to their former spouse and get paid for it with permanent alimony.
Agreed. You can get a divorce for any reason, without any attempt to make it work. Make’s it easier to collect, apparently.
Wow that was spoken like the typical Woman who has no intentions of ever getting up off of her behind and ever doing anything. “HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO SUPPORT THE KID?” By getting a job the same as the father has. How dare you attempt to use the child as a means of doing nothing, hell get a part time job at the every least. I guess your kid is supposed to also afford you housing at the expense of the father simply because you choose to to work as well? I’m sorry but Women like this one here burn me up inside with how they try and use children as a means of income! …..and most Women have the audacity to wonder why no sane Man would ever want to be married now days let alone a parent!
Hello Elisa,
Aren’t we taking about gender equality in all aspects of our society? No discrimination based on gender, am I right?
Women are equally capable of carrying out their task in every way. Why do you think that women have to get some special privilege when it comes to child or children? If a woman wants a divorce the father, she can. Why cannot support herself for daily expenses? Why do you think that a man has to pay her while they do not live and love each other.
Someday, your son or brothers will be dealing with a vindictive woman in this country then you will realize that the system is totally wrong.
Thank you,
Odd thing about all of us “Greedy” fathers: if you look at statistics on payment of child support, over 90% of fathers who see their children regularly are paying their support without a problem. That figure drops to about 40% for fathers who never see their children. So what we’re saying is that fathers don’t mind paying for their children, they just want to be able to see them. It’s not about the money, it’s about the inequities of the child custody/support system and the all-too-frequent situation of a controlling custodial mom interfering with the relationship between the father and his kids. Unfortunately, it always turns into a nasty, insulting diatribe about greedy or deadbeat dads. It’s also interesting that noncustodial moms default on their child support payments twice as often as noncustodial dads. Now who’s the deadbeat?
****Many men work and support thier children and ask nothing in return.Alimoney is legal slavery and breeds and encourages being sorry and worthless to society and the out come is a f”ed up children.Get a Job and support your Children.
***…The Tender years doctrine was proven illegal in the 70’s
In fact that term even as you use it is an abomination ***. If you think Fathers are only interested in money, You are sadly mistaken, We would rather support our kids fully with or without the mother if that were the case. The health and safety of our kids is second only to the love and desire to be with them. They obviously go hand in hand. ***. Instead of forcing Fathers to pay, all that is needed is to do the Right thing and share custody/parenting …***
Child support only and receipts and documentation on how the child support money was spent must be substantiated.
A divorce is not a win win situation, I believe if a child or children are not under age they should be awarded to the parent who is the potential bread winner, in this system, it is designed to work against you, meaning the individual who is doing the right thing. The courts ignore evidences the police will not let you file a report if the other party has file a false police report the schools the utility companies the bank and the mortgage companies all are under the injustices of the courts. allegation made should be thoroughly investigated, and the facts not being ignore. Then an amount should be taken in to account for all of the child needs and not the wants of the custodial parent. Our nation is heading for ruin, the welfare of the future of our nation depends on every living soul to safeguard and preserves the principles with made this nation such a great nation to begin with despite it’s pass everyone has a responsibility to act as a guardian to uphold the principles with the highest level of integrity. If not make room in a future history book for another story of the rise and fall of another great nation, it coming .per say the courts claim to have the interest of the child at first hand. I guess no one is concern with the future generations, the is nothing new under the sun. It is involuntary servitude by any other name(when it tied to alimony) I know the federal government must know by now all the fraudulent claim the states have been brought before the federal government. Why don’t the federal government devise a child support assistance program ,they might as well if they are going to continue to allow the states to operate in the fashion it operates in. Each state should have the autonomy to govern itself if it is doing the right thing. Dumb peoples should be allow to ruin their family future, because they are stupid and think that they will benefit from their insane decisions. Society has laws and places to put crazy peoples, why then does it not apply here. If you was attempting to do something to someone there would be repercussions for your actions, but on the other hand you can destroy your children future and others will help you, when it is something for them to gain. Most responsible people of sound mind would not enter into a court of equity they are in most case brought in there under false pretense under false allegations. The outcome does not usually favor the responsible party if there is a child in question or a spouse they are ordered to pay. I believe in most cases they have been taking care of their family all along I know I was taking care of mine ,when you think about that ask yourself how ridiculous is that .
El bey never raised her children…the television did…el bay was one of those mothers that kept her kid on a leash.
Not a mother I am a father so I gather you miss the whole point
Didn’t bother to read your post past the first sentence, give the children to the breadwinner? that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard! my ex was the bread winner, making three times as much money as me, but had absolutely no clue on how to raise a child nor did he want to be bothered with it. Most of the time when he had visitation he never bothered to show up or call
Child support should be based on a median average price for everyone, say $5000 a year. Not based on individuals income and should be split evenly between parents. Also if one gets remarried and decides not to work the other should not be forced to make up the difference. That is their choice and their life. There should never be a this idea that the lifestyle should be guaranteed or continued for the other parent and child by the other. That is not the way life works, there are no guarantees.
There no logical way you can tell me that it cost $20,000 a year to raise a child belonging to the “jones'”, yet down the street where the smith’s make half there income it only takes $10,000. I agree with odette, it should be a median price for everyone. And should be split between parents. what kind of message are we sending to our future generation by saying, hey (insert female name) you don’t have to succeed in life..all you have to do is find a man who is successful, pop out a kid and your set for life. its a gross misunderstanding of antiquated laws.
I agree. Divorce is one of the few situations where laziness, sloth, and lack of motivation to work and improve one’s circumstances during a marriage is rewarded in court. This nonsense about “having to maintain the lifestyle that he or she was accustomed to” when it comes to alimony payments is just insane. If anything, the hardworking party should be rewarded in terms of custody and benefits for having to support the other individual as long as they did. If the nonworking spouse has no skills or job experience, they may be permitted a limited period of receiving alimony in order to go through job training and placement, but at some point, it comes to an end, vacation over, get off your duff and get to work!
I don’t believe child support and/or alimony should exist in todays society. The financial situation during a marriage cannot be maintained once a couple has divided assets accrued during a marriage and are now living two separate lives. There is no possible method of maintaining the lifestyle of the marriage once a couple has separated/divorced. Stop perpetuating the problem and take responsibility for your own life. Go to school, get a job and live within the means you provide for yourself. Child support and alimony is a seizure of personal property which deprives one parent/person of their property against their liberty and should be abolished.
I couldn’t agree with you more. We’ll said
I agree with you in part, but should the non-custodial parent not be financially responsible for the child? It takes two and yes some people abuse the system insert my ex-wives names here. I think it is a messed up system especially for fathers who don’t live in the same state or or Servicemen and Women.
I also partially agree with Jason. However I do believe both parent have the responsibility to contribute to a child’s upbringing financially and emotionally. I agree also with other that it should not be based on individual income but a norm for a given geographic area.
Divorce is often times a horrible and selfish act that not only destroys couples, but also children. Enabling someone’s negative behaviour by rewarding them with cash is ridiculous notion as well as an evil act. To many couples seek a divorce for idiotic reasons such as “irreconcilable differences.” One person wanting “out” of a marriage should not be rewarded, especially with cash. Stop the insanity.
Pastor Paul – A “REWARD” ?? I had a husband who abused me and his children. I got out. The court process was a nightmare. I got no “support”, the father retained the children’s social security payments (the judge said it would make the divorce go faster if I just stopped trying to get child support that the boys were entitled to, it didn’t) I worked 60+hours a week as an EMT to support myself and my boys and STILL was on food stamps and Medicaid. Its better to get public support than to hold a parent responsible for the welfare of their child??
You probably should be a little more selective with whom you have children with. If he had been more successful you could have really made out! How many children of his did you bear before you realized he was abusive. We can always through him in jail for failure to pay. That will fix him?
Susan – I too work in healthcare as a CNA/Phlebotomist/Medication Aide working 60-80 hours a week. Chicago suburban rent in the ghetto is 1100 for a two bedroom, and being taxed to hell with utilities, gas , and mind you 2nd highest in taxes in the nation next to New York. My ex’s child support didn’t dent what was actually needed to help. I was told stop taking my ex to court, and count on the welfare system to help support my child. His child support was at $334 a month then down to $200. He abated it for 3 years and his attorney wanted to make sure it didn’t accrue arrearage. He was already way in arrears over 12 years time! The judge said no since it was an incentive for him not to get comfortable not finding a job. Yet, he was working, because I got his social security statement after he died. The courts took his word alone! He wanted 50/50 medical & daycare. I said no to both, because I felt he didn’t need a 3 bedroom home that he could not afford taking the place of care for our child. YET the courts made me have to keep the the medical & daycare at 50/50 which complicated things, The courts awarded him our home and threw my daughter and I out without any kind of buy out. He existed in our home with his parents paying for it for 12 years but never full filled his child support unless I took him to court every year. I proved he could not afford it nor could I. Yet that occurred and was used as an excuse why he couldn’t pay child support. JUDGE SUPPORTED IT! Yet he can go to Puerto Rico for 2 weeks all expenses paid. He lied on his taxes saying he was paying medical & daycare. He wanted the providers numbers and I refused. I refused to the courts too to give it to him since he wasn’t being honest. I told the courts put me in jail first. Judge was mad, but I didn’t care, and told the judge throw me in jail. Judge tried to scare me with his threats, and I said do it. If he did it who was going to support my child? I put my child on my medical without him owning up to promise of 50/50. He received huge tax credits and pay backs during those years till he died in Dec 2013. He lied on his taxes and never had one valid receipt from anyone. I knew he would not deliver on the promise even with the low child support. Sure enough I was right he DIDN”T deliver the promise to take care of our child in the 50/50 way. He owed 30K never went to jail and for 4 years the judge did nothing to continue to make him get a job. Yet to feel sorry for his lonely self till he killed himself this past year with drinking and drug abuse. I told the courts what the case was really with him about his problem and petitioned 12 times 1 time each year warning them of his problem. No one listened. They thought I made it up and put my 12 year old daughter up to lying about it. When he was doing it in front of her. Even the Guardian at Litem didn’t believe us. WHY? Because my EX’s PARENTS PAID A MAJORITY OF THE BILL TO THE GAL! AGAIN GETTING AWAY WITH EVERYTHING!! Now he is DEAD and everyone is running for this hills including his parents who had money to sweep his problems under the carpet. I guess now welfare has no choice but to help us. The courts had a chance to do things right before he passed at the age of 36. Instead they gave him the power to hurt himself, his child, and everyone associated with his issues. Now the government far as I’m concerned OWES my child AND myself. I PAID in full for everything! I will gladly take social security it’s more than I my child ever got off of him. Not to mention I will get PART tax payer and PART ex husband social security for 3 years for the same amount of money till she turns 16 since we were not married for 10 years. At least I will get all of my inheritance back that he took from my dead father to buy the house he wasted away in, and my child and I forced out of without a payout from my ex and going homeless. Judges should be ashamed, and just because I work in healthcare doesn’t mean we make a doctor’s salary. Thinking our assets are a ton.
I hate to say it but it always makes sense to the Woman it happens to, but if your ex had had the same struggle trying to keep up those payments of $354 a month would you feel the same compassion for him you want us to express for you?
I am currently paying my ex $1000 in child support a month and this is in Chicago. I live out of state in Kansas. Before this I was giving her $500 a month with no court involvement. She got greedy and said this was not enough. Today she says the $1000 is still not enough. I pay 100% for medical insurance for him this was by choice. She doesnt have medical insurance and does not provide medical insurance for him through her work. Instead she uses medicaid for him which i dont understand because she is currently working and has a good position at Chase corporate branch in Chicago. My child support payment has not gone down. I just recently had my tax refund taken away from me because of Illinois Service and family health…aka child support agency. Instead of my ex does what is right by moving closer she knows that if she stays in Chicago the state will be on her side. Any request she ask for she will get. As you described above Chicago is an expensive place to live and I have told her many times before I will not move there because of this. It is one of the worst place on earth to be living in.
I am currently struggling to make ends meet and have not seen my son for over 1 year. I have never been arrested, i dont do drugs, i dont drink nor smoke but yet she can keep my son away from me and accuse me of false allegation in court who do you think the judge sided with? My son who is 4 asks me daily when I am going to go see him and the house he lives in and if i dont love him because i have not gone to visits him…how should i respond to him? If we go to court again the judge would only slap her hands and advise her of her wrong doing. I on the other hand would be looked at and lectured that i must find my way to go see him. To the court system i am nothing more than an ATM machine and this is the reality i live with. I sympathize with you but at the same time i still dont. This is the reality I live in. I am not a deadbeat father as what the court system has labeled me. I am a father that loves his son as much as his mother loves him.
Well, it appears you worked through it! You had a choice to stay, and obviously you chose to leave! So, deal with the fact that some people do not pay for their children.
But, in no way are YOU entitled to the money! The children are. Now, you have worked extra jobs, and overtime. Welcome to the normal life of a non custodial father!
Susan isnt telling the truth everyone knows that the women is the abusive character in 90% of couples. Just because it doesn’t hurt when you slap doesn’t meven it isn’t abusive.
perfectly said
Sir, marriage to an addict, abuser, adulterer, mentally ill person is beyond the bounds of reason when there are children to be considered. We know that the repercussions of children living in an unhealthy environment is unhealthy and leads to lifelong negative health consequences. (Adverse Childhood Experiences or ACE studies have proven this for years) Any parent that would willingly subject a child to unhealthy home environment is an unfit parent. I grew up in a home with a sociopath and a cheater – the best day of my life was when he finally moved out – too bad that courts forced me to have visitation with him, during which time, he choose to beat me, since my mother was now beyond his reach. His mistress/wife also endured having surgery to have her face wired back together. You know NOT of what you speak – he should have gone to jail for his abuse and I’m sorry that he didn’t – it would have been far better for many people. And – people like you have NO idea what you are talking about. HE left us – but it was our lucky day. He also went on to marry at least 4 times that I know of – each time he put all the blame on his wives and their failure to listen to him. Maybe it’s the splinter in your eye, but don’t dare say that anyone was “rewarded” – we lived in poverty after his departure and were still thankful to be rid of him. He had his own airplane and a new house, new car, he hid assets and left my mother with nothing but 3 kids and a pittance of child support – WE suffered – he was rewarded by his corrupt masonic friends who lied and helped him steal from his wife of 18 years and his own children. She never remarried and suffered to care for us and support us when he couldn’t be bothered – unlike him who was so focused on his carnal pleasures and multi-national vacations. ”
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,” “Now suppose one of you fathers is asked by his son for a fish; he will not give him a snake instead of a fish, will he? 12″Or if he is asked for an egg, he will not give him a scorpion, will he?…my answer – oh, yes indeed he will. All of this is LIES – less than about 1/4 women ever even get the child support they are owed – 53 billion owed by deadbeat parents to all of us taxpayers – most of whom are men – there’s your reward, the neglect of their own children for their own greed – don’t tell me about welfare moms – they are just the cast offs of deadbeat dads. http://money.cnn.com/2012/11/05/news/economy/unpaid-child-support/
Wilson, sorry to read you had an ass for a father. For that reason you believe I should be punished as a dad? Get your facts right, so-called “deadbeat dads” are also those fathers who get laid-off and try to pay up their child support as much as their finances allow them to while trying to get their lives back together, so stop generalizing. Get some therapy and move on. Not all men are abusers.
Words of wisdom Pastor. At New Jersey Alimony Reform our slogan is END THE MADNESS
NO child support, but, an equal amount from each parent put into an account that would be itemized and maintaned by both parents when using the money for their child. Both parents are EQUALLY responsible for raising their children. Having the custodial parent with complete control of the money is based on a 1950’s senerio that does not work in 2014! The court system has to reform the current child support system so that IT IS truly child support from BOTH parents…
Agreed, the monetary support should be monitored more closely and the money that is provided needs to be tracked. I have never missed a child support payment and yet somehow, regardless how how my Ex’s nails look, my son’s shoes still do not fit. Child support should be administered for the well being the children, not as a form of alimony.
I think that’s a really good idea, Jason.
I believe the system in Scandinavia (Sweden) outlined in Divorce Corp. is the adult and fair way to go. The size of the USA could come into play here, but taking the money out of divorce is the way to go.
CHILD support should only be HALF of the child’s needs only. The receiver should also pay for half of the child’s needs out of her own pocket. If the one paying this “child” support is also paying for additional expenses those should be deducted from his half. For dads who have their children the standard 3 months a year (90 days) in his home when mother had ZERO financial responsibility for the child(ren), dads who cover health insurance, medical co pays, orthodontics, car insurance for teenage children etc. while getting no tax credit, no child support should be paid as dad is already covering his half of the child rearing expenses!
Alimony, especially permanent, needs to change. The courts in NJ are out of control. Unless it’s a very long term marriage where the wife stayed home there should be no thing. I was married for 25 yrs and divorced my husband when we were in our 40’s. I now have to pay an able bodied guy 20k per year until I die. So what, maybe 40 years. Child support is another issue which CANNOT be based on a median average price. NJ has a sliding scale based on both parents income, then split according to the income percentage breakdown. Let’s face it. In most divorces the mother retains custody of the kids. The fact also is that most woman make far less then men do, especially moms raising kids. So a couple gets divorced, mom’s only working part time due to little ones, dad makes a couple hundred thousand a year, kids in private school, etc., and now the kids have to be pull out, moved out of their home, etc and the dad gets a free ride for kids he wanted to have. Same goes for the reverse if the woman is the primary bread winner. And forget about both parents controlling the money for the kids. You’ve got to be kidding. You divorced them and now you still have to interact with them on a daily basis. Ridiculous. Most courts do require you to interact on the big stuff like schooling and medical.
Money will NEVER be taken out of divorce. A typical divorce lawyer sizes up your finances and drags the whole thing out until they get every dime out of you. The judicial system needs to change. I have been involved in some type of divorce litigation for almost 13 years. My daughter is chronically ill, document over and over by neurologists and during the divorce I brought in all the medical paperwork, insurance benefit statements, etc. All I was looking for was the 30% out of pocket medical bills I was awarded. Ex husband objected and said it was all hear say unless I brought in my daughter’s neurologist to testify. Even though I had the health insurance benefit statements which should have lent some credibility the judge ruled against me. It ridiculous. There are a ton of idiots sitting on the bench.
My Rapist who got custody through a judge with no jurisdiction thought that child support should pay for baby food only. He makes $10 million per year. He demanded I have an abortion at 4 months or threatened that I would never see my baby again. He then got a court with no jurisdiction to issue an order giving him sole custody and ordering me to pay his attorney’s fees thereby wiping out all child support that he had been ordered to pay. Why doesn’t a baby deserve at stay at home mother when the father is a multi-millionaire?
Well I would answer that children who feel entitled to luxury become spoiled – and that does not prepare them for the stresses and challenges they are likely to experience later in life.
I totally agree with Joseph. Kids growing up with a silver spoon in their mouth may need to actually work/earn something in adulthood. My two boys will know what a good Midwestern work ethic is as I am a single/divorced Iowa Father whom leads by example, not with handouts.
If I remember correctly, Joseph comes from medical/scientific background. From that perspective, I found the site below done by a university in Michigan by a Professor. In the middle, paragraphs a thru e strongly suggest mothers who work (to support their children, instead of depending on alimony) give surprisingly significant benefit to their children in many positive ways. Perhaps this is the same as in Scandinavia. Based on this I think alimony should be eliminated, as it takes away the basic human drive to succeed on your own merits and be be a productive model for your children, regardless of your income.: http://parenthood.library.wisc.edu/Hoffman/Hoffman.html
There is no such dynamic as a stay at home mother! When you leave the relationship, you leave your right to sit on your ass and play suzie homemaker! I don’t care of he is worth hunderds of millions of dollars. Get off your keister and support yourself! \
Great way to stereotype someone by calling them a rapist! I am not sure that comment would be altogether true either! Kinda the same as when I call my ex a nutjob! I feel it is true, but it is not substantiated!
Be careful with the words you throw around! And change your menatlity that that little furry thing between your legs pops out little bags of money!
i was granted child support , but he has yet to make any payment. has gotten remarried and now are a ready live in family. I work full time so actually i do not need maintenance payment. but I do have three teen children that are in sports , have braces , hell he don’t even provide health insurance. Its all on me, I cant say i think alimony is goo being that i was the bread winner in the family , maybe i would feel different is i was a stay at home mom
If he were dead, you’d pay for all the costs. So stop using “him” as an excuse to spend more and earn less. If you can’t afford what happens in your time, stopping sending the kids to so many extracurriculars and expecting someone else to foot the bill. Be responsible for the costs on your time and stop planning to take from others for what YOU want.
i agree 10000000 percent Joe….and that’s the problem with these women/ mothers…they instantly become financial analysts in court and try to justify every expense with “the kids” being the excuse…as you said…live within YOUR means and stop expecting someone else to finance YOUR choices. Not excluding a father from his role or responsibility but I guarantee if men had more rights/authority/access to their children, they would naturally do what the system tries to force them to do. I don’t need to be forced to take care of my children, I would gladly spend every dime I have on my children if I actually had any say so with my children…if I got to govern how that money was spent…but when i’m paying a welfare check recipient every month and I still have no say so with my own kids….I have to “ask permission” to do things for and with my OWN kids…what do you expect to happen?? but its ok for women like that to make up a bunch of extra curricular activities in a sad attempt to justify why they need more money….its ridiculous….take responsibility for your OWN, no one owes you anything.
A mother with young children needs more help than a middle aged woman with grown children. The temporary alimony, when alimony is needed should go to a mother with young children, not a middle aged woman who simply refuses to work because the law allows her to get away with it. Temporary alimony for all- permament alimony in very rare and extreme cases (disability), but all alimony ends at retirement. Texas has it right in its use of alimony to meet the basic needs and necessities of life for a defined period of time. It is not an entitlement in Texas. It is to help someone get on their feet. Permanent alimony is a vestige from the 1950s. It is inappropriate in today’s world.
My thought is, If she walked out, I will pay for my kids. But I hope she is homeless! I will take my children if she cannot provide a stable environment and do things on her own! She wanted to be a big girl and leave…. Good, stand on your own two feet! Alimony should be illegal, and the women asking for it should lose everything in the divorce just for being lazy!
She can earn her own money to fully support the kids on her time. If money is so darn important, then you should support custody laws that give the most parenting time to the parent who earns the most money. Using the label “mommy” is no excuse for not earning the cost of your own choices and supporting the kids fully during your parenting time.
The child should be placed in the home where the child can be supported. Without intervention by the courts. This saves taxpayers dollars which should not be wasted on personal interests. Money should not be paid to a custodial parent because there is no accountability to the paying parent as to where the money goes. Which generally pays for the custodial parents chosen lifestyle.
I believe that only if you were married should child support even be a legal matter to resolve. Unmarried parents should bear the consequences of their sexual choices.
Many women waive alimony in exchange for above-guidelines support (a) to speed up the divorce process, (b) stop giving all the $ to the lawyers & (c) to potentially deal w/the ego of the former spouse (not wanting to pay alimony at all). Fact, women make less than men (77 cents to the dollar). I’m a working mother and I AM THE ONE who does 80% of the parenting (if not more) – period. I’m the one who is responsible for TOTAL CARE of my kids and their needs/ which means I need to have flexibility in my work in order to take them to doctor appointments, etc. When there is a school holiday, snow day or sick day – who takes care of them? Me. Life for kids does not begin @ 7pm – nor can all their “care” be done at that time. It is challenging and difficult to find work at the same salary level of a male counterpart. I never asked my ex for MORE child support when I made LESS income. I am disgusted that he thinks he should NOT pay child support b/c he’s having more children. Have kids if you can afford them. More women file for bankruptcy who are single moms. Its not easy – we work hard & sacrifice ourselves for our kids. I can empathize with Bonnie – I’ve taken my daughter to 31 therapist appointments and 15 psychiatrist appointments in the last 13 months… this does not include any other medical/dental or after-school activities – NOR MY son’s needs. That is almost the equivalent of one full month of working in terms of hours (at the appointment, transportation, etc)… there are transportation costs, opportunity costs and co-pays. It’s not easy, but somebody has to do it.
Maybe you should have shared parenting time with your kids and not expect to do it alone most fathers want equal time with their children and the alimony should be like Texas and just be for job training or to get educated. Take the best paying job and not just a part time job and be told by a judge that child support can be used anyway they want. It takes 2 to raise and bear children….
Mark, we have shared parenting time – when the ex fails to be a parent – should I make my kids suffer for his inadequacies? He always says, “I’m busy” or “I can’t b/c I have work or I have a hockey game”.
My ex-wife has been awarded by the court and Alabama child custody tables a total of $2,250 a month in child support – our combined income of which she earns 1/3 is $210K. I know no one in our income bracket spending $27,000 net on one child a year! She’s getting a windfall at our son and my expense … not saving a dime for a car or college… Among the reason’s ironically child support is figures so high in Alabama and other states is (1) the federal government gives state DHRs $1.89 for ever dollar in child support it collects [I’ve been told] and (2) judges get a “kick-back” to operate their court based upon the amount of child support they take in. I’ve been fighting the child custody courts since my son’s birth seven years ago and I’ve yet to see in Jefferson County Alabama where anyone in authority gives a damn about the “bets interests of the child”.
so out of the $210,000 she’s earning 70000 plus the 27000 in child support. So that’s two people living on 97000 and one person living off hundred forty thousand and you’re complaining?
Don’t forget the gross and net end child support is clear and a non custodial parent pays on gross net what he/ she actually receives
Children should be parented and supported by both parents as the default solution to divorce, deviation should be by exception. Children should be with parents 50/50 of the time and each parent should pay for the child costs in their home. Out of house costs like education and health care can be disparately split between divorced parents if there is a large disparity in income. If there is a large wage disparity between the parents, the low wage earner is welcome to improve their income with increased education, alternate employment and working more hours. Alimony should be temporary for a few years, if needed to allow the low wage earner to increase their earning power, to suit their needs. The natural consequence of divorce is reduced finances for everyone (men, women and children). Removal of the high income earner from a house and expecting that person to sustain the lifestyle of the persons remaining in the household at the expense of the absent parent is ridiculous. 66% of divorces are requested by the women. 90% of those rejected men pay child support and of course support their own house as well.
Alimony, what a joke. I suppose in some cases where the stay at home spouse did her share of work to keep the house clean, the kids taken cared of, and support her husband at work, or business. Then I can see how they could be entitled to receive support for a while to re-educate themselves or find adequate work.
But what about the cases where the spouse did nothing?? Where the husband did all the work?
I don’t think they should be entitled to alimony unless they were an equal partner in the marriage.
Spouses who did nothing to help, and instead were a drag on the marriage should get nothing.
Child support should be eliminated for most people. If a father wants joint custody then the time should be split up evenly over each year and no one should collect support. Child support and alimony is only being used by lawyers as a way to keep two people in constant battle in court so that the lawyers can legally steal their money.
I can’t believe the comments on this website, so because dad decides that he wants to go around with some woman 12 years younger than him the children shouldn’t have a decent roof over their heads and clothes on their back and the school supplies that they need, or is mom supposed to work two or three jobs in order to provide everything for the kids and never get to spend time with them? I have to assume that most of these posts are by men who are required to support their children that they made, or the new wife who doesn’t want the husband to support his children so that she has more to spend on jewelry and vacations and her liposuction and boob job.
You make a good point about the new wife wanting the money to go to her instead of the children. That is a tragedy too. We believe that people should support their children foremost. Nevertheless, the question here is whether child support should be limited to what the children need, or should it also include a hidden alimony component to supplement the custodial parent’s life style? What do you think?
Wow, I think you got the view of a lot of people on here all wrong! What is gathered from all of the postings is that fathers want to take care of the children. Not the ex wife! It is not the fathers responsibility to foot the entire cost of a new household!
Suzie homemaker should have thought about the consequences when she walked out of the relationship! Things are not going to be the same, and the bank account goes away for her! The child support should be STRICTLY monitored, and the person with custody should be forced to pay into a joint account for child support as well. Just to prove that they are investing as much in the children as the non custodial parent!
So, take the liberal progressive attitude and start looking at reality!
Not all of us are that way. I didn’t date anyone for 3 years after separation. And I spent every dime I had on my kids, way and above the child support and alimony I was paying.
As a result, I am completely broke.
What I got back? Well my ex-wife spent all this money on lawyers, and herself. My kids were badly dressed, and were taken out of their extra-curriculum activities. My daugther was taken out of band because Mom said she could not pay for her flute, and I didn’t want to pay for it.
I have gone way above and beyond to take care of my children, inspite of not being able to see them much, or even make decisions in their lives. The courts have not cared one bit about my situation, but instead brush it aside as if nothing can be done about it.
Please tell me I have not done my job. Go ahead.
As fathers, what we are saying is we “Want” to take care of our children. We “Want” to provide for them. We “Want” to see them often. We “Want” to be part of their lives and make decisions about their upbringing.
Right now we are being denied these rights, and threaten with jail if child support is not paid.
We understand that you as a mother is struggling too with someone who doesn’t support the kids, and cares more about his own life and women. We don’t think that is fair either.
So being that we are both in unfair situation, please join us in this fight to make things fair.
I told you above what some of us “Want”. Is this not agreeable?
We “Want” to take care of our children because we Love them. No one needs to force us.
Instead, we are being Forced to pay, defend ourselves with lawyers, and we are being driven into financial distress, and away from our children.
Help us by joining us.
There needs to be a fairness guideline throughout all 50 states as far as custody and alimony (spousal support). In California, the standard for custody is “significant time with each parent”. For alimony, it seems to be a free-for-all. It’s almost comical the Calif. Family Code has a section that indicates matters are to be handled quickly to limit excessive legal fees. It took me 9+ years to get divorced in Fresno County (believed to be the longest in this county) and we’re still battling over custody. Because most of these laws were written 2-3 decades ago, they are hardly fair with contemporary society. I do believe the current system is (usually) correct in cases during the children’s “tender years” (i.e. up to age 6). At 6 years of age and older there needs to be a 50/50 standard used as a baseline. This would prevent vindictive spouses from using their children as revenge-weapons (for profit); particularly those spouses with the financial wherewithal to have an attorney file motion after motion with their children caught in the middle. The days of child custody based upon a parent’s ability to shovel more money to an attorney than their former spouse have got to stop!
As far as alimony, I believe the current system is (usually) okay as far as it applies during the children’s “tender years”. There is no denying the mothers unique roll those first few years. Accommodations must be made during that time. But, once that time is over, at about age 6, THE CURRENT ANTIQUATED SYSTEM MUST CHANGE. Equality is equality- and no matter if it’s a woman or a man, either must become self supportive/reliant, PERIOD! The days of marrying for fun and profit need to come to an end. The American legal system prides itself on equality. The family court system needs to be changes to reflect that. Getting the politicians to put that into law will be difficult because it will piss-off part of their constituency.
I think it should remain separate, because it is TWO completely different issues. Support of CHILD, and support of an ADULT. The welfare system looks at it that way as well. So the courts need to consider it that way too.
The term “child support” should never be used in reference to a fit parent whose child has been kidnapped – meaning less than equal custody – by a judge impostor of our anti-family court system. Call is what it is: EXTORTION.
The term child support can legitimately apply only in cases where parents agree to a less than equal custody arrangement or in cases where a parent has neglected to support a child and has to be dragged into that duty.
Once family courts start enforcing the right to parent and stop kidnapping children from good parents, the incentive to divorce or break up a family will decrease, making the question of alimony large moot. This will happen when we bring these renegade courts into the 21st Century and in line with the U.S. Constitution, ie., public hearings with live video feed from every family court hearing and with trial by jury in any case questioning parental rights.
I prefer a simpler solution – establish custody based on the parents willingness to care for the child. Only when a parent does not want :their share” of custody would there me an exchange of funds. This quickly establishes an incentive for both to do what is in the child’s best interest. Lack of economic balance (no incentive to do right) is the source of current issues. The laws are from a prior era when child support, an instinctive “natural obligation” worked to keep families together in 1800’s. It now becomes an incentive to game the system and control spouses. Social engineering needs to keep up with societal changes – this entitlement is way overdue for reform.
Very insightful!
Absolutely.
In Illinois a woman’s income plays no role in the child support awarded. My ex-wife makes three times what I make and I pay virtually all the child related expenses. How is this anything other than alimony? Since our divorce, she has built a brand new home and I am losing mine. So, during the 12% of his life that I get to enjoy his presence, he will now be staying in a small apartment rather than his mother’s spacious new home.
How long will it be before he loses interest in visiting his father?
Considering the fact that it could take a judge almost five minutes to calculate a split payment based on both incomes, I can understand how they wouldn’t be able to accomodate such an extravagant and complex request.
very interesting point …
Very interesting comments.
Thank you for sharing.
– Steven Burda
Pennsylvania
Don’t forget the gross and net end of child support. Support is clear and a non custodial parent pays on gross income not net what he/ she actually receives
Stepping way back, the problem is entitlement. Regardless of what is or isn’t agreed upon, a generation of people believe that they are entitled to have a system where they can walk in, produce a sob story and win money and/or custody. Until that system stops paying people off, entitlement will reign. 50/50 custody agreements with extremely limited to no support is the only solution. A discussion about small, temporary alimony scenarios may be valid but the current levels of support thrown around today are so outrageous, the safer solution is to cut all alimony everywhere.
Very insightful!
I divorced my wife for refusing to get a job, pulling my kid out of school to homeschool him, only to have him end up failing. With special needs i was expected to pay her more than half of my salary and 18,000 to his school with no support from anywhere. She is turning my kids to failures, and i have not even gotten so much as help. she stays on her ass getting more animals, living off of my and her boyfriends incomes. They taxed me alimony, and i am not allowed to use her live in boyfriend’s income to factor in child support, even though she will tell me how she can’t meet me with the kids because she’s taking care of his kids too.. All because work sometimes has me travel… I hate every part of the system, and the woman bias is actually turning my kids bad and making it so when i have them for summers, it takes a month to get them out of their shell.
I gave her 35,000 last year. After taxes. I’m down to 18000 a year, which comes out of my check post tax. that’s reducing my base salary by 30k for a woman who promised to work but never did for ten years, and i have to pay a tax for her breaking a life promise. So she can tell me how she can’t afford anything, yet still buys a new pet a month.
thank you divorce corp. the whole thing is a sham. and not in the interest of children. I’m still paying off my lawyer.
Many of us have had horrible divorces and vengeful ex spouses. Regardless of our individual stories it is obvious that family law must be reformed around the country. I believe Judges and lawyers have become to powerful with no one but other Judges and lawyers to over see them. I also believe there needs to be civilian oversight so Judge and lawyers can be held accountable. Try to sue a Judge, not happening. Lawyers have no incentive to end a divorce. If the divorce ends so does their income stream. Perhaps there should be one standard fee for a divorce and that is all a lawyer would get out of it. How long would an agreement take then. Alimony may be necessary in some cases but not as a way of life for either spouse, it should be limited in time universally. Support should be based on the amount it takes in a given geographic area to raise a child and both parents should be equally responsible for a child they are responsible for bringing into this world. There is obvious prejudice in the courtroom and it is no place for the truth it seems. The best story seems to win regardless of truth.
I do speak from some experience as my divorce took almost ten years. My arrearages are substantial and my three youngest children have been alienated are estranged from me. After I lost my business, three pieces of real estate and more and was bankrupt the court put me in jail for six months because I could not pay $10,000.00 in one payment. I wish I could attend the conference in November but will be unable to go. I urge everyone who can to attend. Many hands make light work and many voices will be heard.
No alimony! A man doesn’t owe you just because you cant live together! I also think child support should be done away with. The primary caregiver should be the parent who can provide the best environment for the child. Not just money wise either. Divorce cost (when their are children involved) should include an evaluation of the parents, Drug test, income review, and a family counselor for the parents and children should be included and mandatory every month till the child is 16. Maybe then people would try to make things work, and for those that do split up it would be to their best interest to try to find a JOB, and be civil to each other, and not fight and try to make one hate the other. Not just sit on your but and get child support and food stamps for a living, all the while trying to brainwash your kids againts the other parent. make them split the bill for these evaluations.
Only one third of single mothers receive any child support, and the average amount these mothers receive is only about $300 a month.
Two fifths of all single mothers receive Food Stamps. Among children with single mothers, 41% get food stamps and 59% don’t.
Although two fifths of all single mothers are poor, only one tenth of all single mothers receive TANF.
I don’t know all these lazy single moms who sit on their butts all day living off the system and fathers. But everyone knows some story, so ALL single moms MUST be this way, right? The statistics speak for themselves.
While family court is jacked up when it comes to robbing BOTH genders, Divorce Corp is making a mistake by turning this into a gender war. All situations are different, but everyone is only going to gripe about what they think they know rather than considering all the variances. A one size fits all approach will never work when it comes to child support, custody, or alimony.
I don’t understand why you say we are turning this into a gender war. We could not be more gender neutral. We have never taken a position as to the role of a mother or father in a marriage – that is up to the couple. We are simply looking at the economics of divorce and custody, and pointing out how the system robs couples of a substantial proportion of their life savings.
Joseph, with all due respect, while your questions are neutral, they are responded to with gender bias. While not your fault, it’s the result of the questions you ask, which I feel are only asked to gain attention/followers. But here’s what happens: You have women like me who would like to have a positive impact for change, who walk away because it ends up nothing but a b*tch fest about women. When you ask about child support and alimony, you know that mom has custody 80% of the time, so readers “know” you are really asking if Mom should get both. Just read the responses. Let’s work on the real issues first, which is the system. Get common sense back in court and get rid of the crooks, and the rest will work itself out. But when you focus on ALL of the problems you work on none of them. There is never a winner in family court, so you will always have support when it comes to improving the system. But people won’t get involved when they are expected to work alongside people who don’t understand them and would work against them if given the chance. A good question to ask would be, “What change needs to happen in family court to make divorce less costly and more fair for both parties?” Or should we develop a whole new system, abandoning family court all together? Let’s figure that out first. Then we can act.
Evelyn, thank you for the reply. I respect your opinion, and I agree that the problems rest within the system, not the victims of the system. I truly do not have a gender-biased agenda, although I admit that the US is still not gender-neutral when it comes to who takes responsibility for the children. However I believe the only way to really solve the problems we have with family court is to take the money out of divorce and custody battles. If separating couples were not tempted to fight over money, I believe the business of divorce and custody would dry up. The Scandinavians have eliminated the financial rewards, and as a result they do not have family courts or divorce lawyers. For those couples who elect to live a traditional life style in Scandinavia, they enter into private agreements to provide for alimony and supplemental child support. We could do the same in the US for all marriages going forward and eliminate this nightmare of a system overnight. Thank you.
Where are these statistics coming from? I’d bet that they are based on women who have never been married, girls pregnant while in, or fresh out of, high school, thereby completely skewing the numbers. May l recommend that you review PEW foundation numbers? Or DOL statistics. You will get a picture that isn’t skewed by those who are not divorced but instead were never married
I wonder why it has been so difficult for men to organize themselves like the NOW. The judges are afraid of the women organizations and until men organize and have as much power (if not more) as these women organizations things are always going to be tilted against men. May be one million men match should be held or may be one million divorced men paying any form of child support and alimony should bind together and leave the country and the women with their miserable self to fend for themselves. Without your child support and a liars money they are doomed. A lawyer advises an ex to work 3 days a week so she could have four days to show at court in order to claim a change in circumstance in order for the judge (Linderman, Union County, NJ) to change the shared custody in place. The judge has memorized some lines to deliver before the case usually starts. It goes like this “We are here for the sake of the children. The chair in front of me should be where the children should be sitting. By the way if you feel like you are winning, do not say anything that will jeopardize your win, but if you feel like you are loosing you have the right to speak out.” I am not making this up. Thank heavens my children are not sitting in the chair placed in front of the judge. Even my four year old would have had a common sense to tell the judge that these are his parents and there should not be a winner and a loser. The system is corrupt and a joke. Even the president of US is has some checks and balances in place for him that makes him think twice before abusing his power.
Were past that in this country now. By the way who gets to wear the dress and cry before the judge in same sex divorces.
There should never be payments to the other, such as child support.
Child support is almost always abused…I can provide a long list of women who divorced their hard-working husband to be with some other guy more exciting or successful. She then turns around and strips her husband of all the fruits of his hard work.
If one of the parents died, the other would do what it took to pay the full cost of raising the child(ren). Each parent should have equal parenting time and decision making authority. On their time they pay all costs, just like the would if the other parent didn’t exists.
Either men and women are equal or they are not. If they are equal, then they BOTH have equal obligation to earn and pay for the necessities during their parenting time.
It seems there a lot of the people are lashing out rather than making rational comments. I’d add my own story, but it looks like I would be condemned.
First and foremost, lets all agree that the problem in and of itself, is the family court system. period.
That being said, some of the comments from women I see here is always on the defense of why they need and instant finger pointing…and they refuse to acknowledge the fact that there IS a gender-bias in the court system…this is what creates the “gender war” – then women who claim they want to support Divorce Corp and any family law reform, say they walk away because “it turns into women-bashing” or “b**th sessions” – and to those women, I say…there is a reason for that…
although your situation may be different, that is far and few in between, speaking of statistics, not sure where these statistics I see on here come from, but close to %90 of men pay child support…we have NO CONTROL over WHEN you receive it…so you might want to also refer to the system instead of calling men deadbeats….also…if you check these “statistics” you will find that far less women are ordered to pay support and even less percentages of them actually pay…without consequence….
the point is….there IS a gender-bias in this system, so for you women who don’t want to hear the truth about your gender, i’m not sure what to tell you, but the millions of men across this country with the SAME story can’t ALL be bad and can’t ALL be lying and can’t ALL be “deadbeats”
I think once those women who really care about change and who really want reform understand and acknowledge that there IS a gender gap in the system, they will most likely get a “warmer” reception from men and the conversation wouldn’t get as hostile and we could then focus on the true problem, the system…..
What you have to understand is that there are men who worked hard to earn what they had in life and in a single court date, one fell swoop, had it ALL stripped away by some lazy, vindictive ex and a court system that catered to and enabled her to do it….not saying this doesn’t happen to women in some cases, but far less than men….and that’s a fact.
So if you want to end the “gender-war” amongst ourselves, acknowledge and understand there IS a universal gender-bias in this system….does it happen to women as well? sure…and guess what? when it happens to those women, THEN they get it….THEN they understand….but if all you can do is complain about why you need more of “his” money, and what “he” doesn’t do…and how much “he” has (like you are entitled to it)…..as a means of somehow justifying your position, instead of taking personal responsibility for yourself and your children REGARDLESS of what “he” does……. then you are missing the point..
It was also mentioned that there is an entitlement problem in this country, to which I strongly agree…it is common-place now that women retain the children in any legal dispute and with that, retain the “right” to demand financial “restitution” in the form of “support”…spousal or otherwise. So with that, comes all of the lazy, evil, low-lifes (men or women) who seek to exploit these provisions and if they feel they “deserve” it…and are encouraged to do it….why wouldn’t they?? Why do you think there are celebrity groupies and throngs of women out to bed successful men? Sure isn’t because they love or are attracted to them….
I believe the Scandinavians got it right…and i’m sure its not %100 perfect for them either, but they sure as hell don’t have the problems we have….look, its simple…we are all adults, or supposed to be anyway…no one owes you anything…you make a choice, you have to live with the consequences….so if you have children, you both are responsible, no parent is more important than the other…I don’t care what kind of “bond” you women think you have with a child…fathers have the same bond, albeit, not physical, its a bond no less…and I think that’s a fact women conveniently ignore….
You think fathers don’t want to experience the “firsts” of their child’s experiences? You think fathers don’t want to witness and take part in all the milestones of their child’s life? You think fathers wouldn’t get up in the middle of the night to nurse their sick or ailing child? You think fathers don’t want to take their kids to school on the first day (and all days thereafter)?
The problem is you women seem to think you are more valuable as a parent, you think that you have some magical powers that a father does not. You seem to think you are the only ones capable of or have interest in the daily care of a child…..and you would be wildly mistaken and inaccurate.
Bottom line….fathers care….period…just as much, if not more than you do….so when you hear these stories of gender-bias, its not women-bashing, its the honest accounts of what ACTUALLY HAPPENS in the court rooms across America….and if you don’t care to hear it….I suggest you look in the mirror and ask why….because its the truth….
That said….there is absolutely, positively, unequivocally….NO NEED for child support, alimony or any other form of payment to any other adult as it pertains to “family law” – you don’t get a paycheck to take care of your own children….grow up….the very idea of “arrears” and “interest” on the arrears is insanity…this isn’t a loan…no one owes you anything, you don’t get “reimbursed” for your “expenses”…its your kid…take care of it…period…..and you certainly don’t get a paycheck because a relationship didn’t work out….and its insanity for those of you who think you deserve or are entitled to that. Get a job, stand on your own feet, you wanted to be equal right? …right.
No matter the scenario or situation, there is no excuse, if you are an able-bodied adult, take care of yourself….plain and simple….for the extreme cases, a realistic solution after a thorough investigation.
If you are offended in anyway by my comments then you are part of the problem….I’m not in any way here to single out anyone in particular, make anything personal or otherwise incite or instigate…but simply point out the raw truth…whether you agree or not.
Well stated! The system is corrupted, illegal, biased, and definitely violate our rights. There are tons of great noncustodial parents (men/women) who do the right thing to spend and support their child(rend), but when it comes to the laws, they still label you as a deadbeat parent! What gives the law the right to tell you when can you see your child(ren)? How much they are worth? and what you can and can’t do? We don’t have rights whatsoever even when there’s joint custody. THIS NEEDS TO BE ABOLISHED!
Well, the courts are at it again. I was in a hearing yesterday, and not only did the judge not do anything for my ex violating the visitation rights of me with my children, I was punished and the child support was raised to close to 4k per month. What the hell is a father supposed to do when all of his money is taken away and he has nothing left? I can wholeheartedly relate and understand why the fathers in the national media ended it all. The guys that fought back by taking their own lives is not my ideal exit strategy for this world. But, when a father has his kids taken, no money, and no hope of a future, what is there left?
After reading so many of these comments by men who are so convinced that they shouldn’t give the mother of their children a dime I am just so pleased that none of you make the laws in this country! And if she keeps your kids away from you so that you don’t pass that frame of mind onto your children GOOD for her!
its not about not wanting to give mommydearest money its about a biased system that promotes family conflict which results in psychologically damaged kids. The women in nys are being coached on ways to “WIN” in court and these women jump at the opportunity like a pig being led to a slaughter house
Sounds like you are a recipient who receives CS and lives off govn’t assistance?
I dont believe either is the answer. Its not about not wanting to give child support nor give mom any money, its about a system that is corrupt that only uses in the best interest of the child to make money off the child. Many states have been using children as pawns to make money. One good example alone is the city of Chicago which charges non-custodial parents 9% interest on child support being collected and a $36 annual fee which the non-custodial parent is also charged. The only true losers here are the children. They miss out on one parent just because a corrupt lawyer weasels his way to have a state uphold a law that doesnt benefit the child. By taking money from one parent and giving it to the other only put one parent in financial hardship. This only destroys the non-custodial parent from his obligation to see his children. The long strenuous court battles only put psychological damages on kids. 90% of the cases the child support money is not being used on the child. Women should be accountable to show documents on what they are spending this money on. Same goes for alimony. The laws toward alimony should change. A woman continues to receive money while she spends it lavishly on her boyfriend. The law states that as long as woman not remarries the ex-husband must continue to give alimony to support his grieving wife….haaaa. No. There are many cases like this. So this is the reason why i disagree with both. Secondly child support agencies should be privatized instead of it being run by the state. Currently there are no accountability at the child support agency level.
In Louisiana Family Court Judges will fraudulently make alimony look like child support in orders for garnishment to child services to further their bottom line reelection and federal backed funds. I’m currently being garnished for alimony by Louisiana Child Services even though public court documents clearly state Alimony is null after remarriage. Ex-wife has currently been remarried for over 2 years. But I have to go back to court in front of the judge that previously ordered me to 90 days in prison for refusal to pay 120% of my income in alimony to an adulteress ex-wife!
I myself do not have kids yet. After reading all these posts I am afraid to even start having kids. If I do get married I am afraid maybe the wife would want to leave for some reason, and given the tendency for people in general to want more than they need, I could get screwed, since the court system is biased in favor of women. I have seen individuals in here namely Alana trying to make arguments as to why women should get more than what is actually needed by the child. But there is no good argument for that. You work and you earn. As long as the child receives what is needed depending on cost of food, medical, clothes. That’s it. And when I say food and clothes, I don’t mean eating at fancy restaurants everyday, and buying designer clothes. That I would consider a luxury. If your worried more about how much the other spouse is making and what he or she is doing with their money, rather than what the child actually needs. Then I would consider that jealousy.
Even if you weren’t married, CS support is still considered alimony. Just as there are deadbeat fathers there are deadbeat mothers that make it a career to get CS for themselves and not contribute to the child(ren). I am a victim of paying CS and she spends the money on herself and not our son. Yet and what I don’t tolerate is that the law doesn’t do anything about it and we don’t have a right to follow up if it’s being used towards the child(ren). They are allowed to utilize the CS as they please. Isn’t there a reason it’s called “CHILD” support and not “SPOUSE or PARTNER” support? Overall, the CSA and CS needs to be rid of permanently because it’s causing nothing more than more harming the relationship between the child(ren) and their father who want to make a difference in their lives.